Drama in the Family

Every Family has his issues I suppose but at this moment I feel a little shocked with everything that is going on with my brother.
I am not very close with my brother and haven't been that at least since puberty.

My brother is married for about 4 years, but he and his wife have many difficulties right now. My brother and my SIL are both addicted to alcohol, my brother the most. They have a little girl of almost three years old.
When they have both drunk too much they almost always start to argue with eachother.
They have professional aid for their finances, and other help social workers/therapists etc.
In the past my brother has experienced with different kind of drugs.

Last week my SIL came home and her daughter was holding a tiny bag while my brother was sleeping on the couch. The contents of the bag turnen out to be cocaïne !!!!

As you can understand we ( me, she, our parents) were very upset!
This is so bad!!!

Last saturday we went to visit my parents, and that's when they told is what happened.
My mother bursted into tears.

As I said before, I myself haven't got a close contact with my brother, but to see my mother so unhappy is really heartbreaking. Because I do feel close to my mum!
It is scary, we are all scared for the future.

When my brother is drunk he wants to quit and get help.
But when he is sober (is that the correct word for not-drunk?), he does not wanna be helped.

And I do feel really worried for my little niece.
My little niece hardly eats, and spends almost more time at my parents then with her own parents.

It is quite a story, and it is not all!
Today my mum, my SIL and a social worker or so had a appoiment to talk about my brother and now they say that they think my brother is mentally challenged/disabled??!
Now they want to have tests done to find out in what way and how disabled he is suppose to be (on what area's) ....wtf???


Thans you for letting me spill my guts!

pfffff heavy !

I hope he soon will get the help he needs !
And I really really really hope your niece don't get mental problems in the future because of the , can I say , unhealthy situation at home.

My grandparents were both alcoholics and my father suffered a lot of problems when he grew up....
1 example : my grandfather chased my dad with an axe when he was drunk , i think he was 5 or 6 years old and sat the whole night in the neighbors shed....in his underwear....while it was freezing.

My dad is 60 years now and my grandparents died a long long time ago, but whenever they come across the conversation my dad turns in to that little boy he was then.....

Maybe you don't have a geat bond with your brother, but try to support your niece wherever you can .

Big hug !!!!




and excuse me for my terrible english phrases ! If it's hard to make something of it i'll be happy to PM you in dutch haha

Oh dear, I do understand your grief ella. What is the point of testing him now, right, after all the damage the drugs and the alcohol have done, of course he will show up mentally challenged. I have a family member who was an alcoholic, and he lost his family, his work, his health, his independance and his reason to it. Korsakow they call it, you can google it and you will probably recognize it.

Who are the godparents of your little niece, can they not step in and get her out of there - even if it is just temporary? The poor little thing will be deprived of so much when she stays with them while they are still overthrown by their addictions.

I wish you a lot of strength to deal with this drama ella....

Ella this is for sure a very difficult time.
I feel for you and your family and like mamakatrien and Daphne said and i am sure in your minds and hearts, your niece must be already your first priority.
I do want to add something, please do not think "this is it" and is written somewhere therefore impossible to be changed. Each individual possess unlimited power to change anything in our lives and that change will affect our immediate environment, if we only believe it and never give up the fight giving in to despair, doubt and negativity, specially during the hard time.
Please, thought you might find it hard to believe or don't at all say these words three times specially when in despair and when no way out is found in your mind: Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo.
If you like to find out more please see this site http://www.sginl.org.
I am a buddhist and i have heard a lot of experiences of people that have stopped drinking or using drugs and more! Some people even started this practice to get drugs and ended up in a program to help stop the drag coming in this country.
Please do not think i am crazy until you have read through the site, and even if you do think i am crazy..... never give up in hope.

No she doesn't have godparents, it is not such a common thing here in Holland. Usually only when a child is baptised.
But my parents have her at their home a lot.
When my brother and SIL are argueing they usually end up calling my parents and taken niece with them, even is it is in the middle of the night!

Well I think it is farfetched to say he is mentally disabled.
He would have had it as a child too. But as I remember our childhood, I don't have the idea that he was that much different than other kids. But how reliable is a kid's point of view?
I personally think that there are issues of the past he has never dealth with and has made him flee into alcohol and drugs ...
But that is not the solution... He has to learn how to cope and give it a place.

At this point we have taken steps financially anyway for our niece.
By opening superate saving bank account where we can save money for my niece, and this account won't be available for her parents. So they can not take that money.

We have told them already numerous times they could lose everything, their child, eachother, their jobs , the house and so on but they don't seem to comprehend...

Ella, Bless your heart. It is hard to watch those we care about go through such rough times. Your family is in my thoughts.

I am so sorry to read this!! I am glad that maybe some steps in the right direction can happen--with social services and all=--
Sending prayers and good energy your way and to your family

Wow Sweetie, that is a sad story. I am sorry your family is going through this. I hope your brother and his family can get the help they need and also your parents. It is so hard to see your family going through terrible things and feeling like there isn't much you can do, but if you lend support to the people who are open to it, you will be helping more than you know. Prayers for you and your loved one, especially the little innocent one. Peace and Love.

Ow Ella, that's so sad....

As it is hard to give help (professional help) to people not wanting to be helped, you can't do very much for your brother...
But please, please help your little niece!! This is such an important stage in her life! She has to be loved and build trust in people, taking care of her!
She has to learn, what a common family life is.

Feel so sorry for all of you Ella!! Big hug!!

Yes, that is my main concern too Lizzie!
I think that my brother and his wife never have realized what a responsability it is to have a child!
I could tell you so many stories of things that I think are not the best way to do so.

But my parents and I are trying to be there as much as we can, but it ain't easy!

The only time my bro or SIL will call me, for instance, is when they want me to babysit my niece.

My parents babysit a lot too. My brother works fulltime in different shifts at a factory and my SIL at a supermarket part-time.
The days that she works my niece is with my parents.
They both don't have a drivers licence, and my mum so always picks my niece up and also brings my brother to his work. (My parents live in a different town than my bro and my bro works in the same town as where my parents live).

In the weekends my bro and SIL still go out often (often 3 out of 4 weekends a month) and my niece ends up sleeping at my parents. Well, besides that, my parents never say no either.

Another story:

We were celibrating the birthday of my youngest daughter.
During the birthday my niece was being a little naughty, doing things that weren't really apprioate. But what you think her parents did? My SIL was just watching and laughing and my bro was only playing with his phone and it were my mother and me who told my niece not to do that and have her stop doing those things ... Pfffff....

Another time, this was last week. My parents had my niece because her parents were working. My parents have sold their house. And that day they had to give the keys to the next owner. Sign the last documents and so on. So they asked me if I could watch my niece during that appointment. So I did.
My niece wasn't feeling to great, had a fever. Halfway the morning she started to wine a little, and guess who she started asking for? Right, not mum or dad, no she asked for grandmum!!!
Says enough, doesn't it?

And so I can go on and on...

{{{biiiiiiiiiiiiig hug}}}

I am sending a big hug your way, too. There are no words I can offer to make things better... but in my world, a hug and loving thoughts go a long way.

That is so true ! We (me and my hubbie) gave my mum a big hug too when she was crying her heart out. Afterwards she felt better.

Thank you all for listening and nice words! I could hug you all back for that !!!

I'm very sorry to hear you and your family have to go through this. I hope they get help. However, each adult makes their own choices and I don't mean to sound hard, but the real concern here is your niece, at whatever cost to your brother and SIL. She's not eating well and was found holding a bag of cocaine - had she eaten it or even some, she could have died. Please don't wait for it to happen again, maybe with worse results. Truly, if it were ME, I would turn my brother and his wife (who is allowing it to happen also) to whatever social services you have there, to protect the child...she's a victim and hard as it is to turn in family, she needs to be helped by a responsible adult, because apparently your brother and SIL are not helping her.