When it rains, it pours :(

I lost my 29 year old nephew just recently, he was in a 5 month treatment program for drugs. It was his decision to get help. He tried so very hard to overcome his addiction, but it was a horrible disease. The program was very strict, no money allowed, only family visitors, up early in the mornings & a set time for bed at night...classes, counselors, therapy & group therapy. Anyway, the day he was released was the day he died. No one knows who gave him the drugs b/c he didn't have any $ on him. He died at one of his friends house, who didn't use drugs (he was a close friend and an attorney). So many unanswered questions. There is an ongoing investigation. (My heart is so heavy, the hurt won't go away)
On another note, a couple of days ago a tree fell on my car. It was due to all the rain and high winds. The motor is okay, it dented the roof and knocked out 2 windows...but...it can be fixed. Looks pretty bad. Had it not been a Subaru, it would have for sure totaled it. I guess I'm lucky but I sure don't feel it.

Dear Janb:
I am so sorry that you and your family are going through such a terrible time. It is always wrong when a child dies before their parents, no matter what the circumstances.
Thinking of you.

Thank you Lisa for your kind words.

Oh JanB, my heart goes out to you. Will keep you and your family in my prayers.

I am sorry to hear that... very sorry I love my niece like she was my own, so I can totally understand how you feel. Drugs are a nasty thing.

Oh Jan, my prayers are with you and your family. Sometimes it really does feel like the rain is just pouring down on us, here's hoping that you will start to see some sun. (((hugs)))

Jan... it has been almost 2 months since my nephew died and so I can understand your grief completely. It hasn't gotten easier yet... maybe because I now keep a big picture of him next to my computer and see his smiling face constantly. I didn't keep the picture there before he died, but now I feel the need to look at it all the time. It's still so hard to process that he's gone. I guess our hearts take awhile to catch up to what our brain has told us is so...

Please feel free to pm me if you need to...

Jan, So sorry for your loss. Drugs are so tough to overcome. I have a few friends that are raising gradkids because of dug addicted parents

Praying for you to find some peace & that some good can come out of this tragedy.

Thank you to everyone....your words, thoughts, and prayers mean so very much to me. It is a difficult time and will be for awhile. Thank you Jody. Just typing and reminiscing about Stephen growing up and all of the good times is comforting. Miss Ronnie, I am so very sorry about you losing your nephew. I feel your pain and you ARE in my prayers. I hope and pray that you will find some comfort. I do remember now...your posting about him a while back. Thank you for your kind invitation. I too have a couple of (favorite) pics that I look at everyday. It is bittersweet, bitter because it reminds me of his sudden death. And sweet because I am comforted somewhat in believing he is at peace now. Linda, wouldn't it be wonderful if something good did come out of this tragedy?! Thank you for sending your prayers up;) SuzyS....be the example for your neice, show her what life is really all about. I think helping her to develop a trust in you would be a valuable tool. also...thank you for your kind words. Martha, your words didn't go unnoticed, they mean alot to me, it's friends like all of you who make these trying times bearable.

My nephew was a very kind person...not really the rough type you might have imagined. He only has a 6 yr old son, who is the spitting image of him. On the weekends when he had his son, he was totally devoted to him. He was a very good father and spent the whole weekend with only him...doing fun things together that any dad would do. He was never around his son while using drugs. Love is a powerful thing!
Wow! When I think about the last sentence I just typed...I realized that the love Stephen had for his son was...the ONLY thing more powerful than THE URGE itself to want to use drugs...! (This blows my mind...I never thought about love being so potent!)

The evening he got out of rehab, he asked his friend to take him to see his son ...but it was over an hour away. It warms my heart that the thing my nephew wanted most was to see his son. (My sister was supposed to pick him up at rehab the next day...but Stephen wanted to surprise her a day early.) I really don't believe it was in his plans to get involved in drugs that night. Someday we will know the truth of all things...and then we will be able to understand.

There are so many good people in the world who have an addiction to something. I've learned that an addiction is a disease. Some can conquer it...and some can't, and for those who can't...they need our prayers to help support them.

For now...thank you again for lifting me up. You are in my prayers also.

My heart and prayers go out to Miss Ronnie and Jan! I have lost three of my five kids. Yes, I'm no stranger to sorrow. I have lost a child every eight years of my marriage. Two were terminally ill with a genetic disease and our last was ran over by a drunk driver. The horror of sorrow can be the most devestating thing in life. Miss Ronnie you are far from being over your sorrow yet if it's only been a few months. There is something great here at the forum. I feel it myself when I am down. I have been struggling for about a week now and I have been hanging out late at night reading post. Sometimes commenting and sometimes just reading. It's the community of woman (and men) who find common ground with one another.

I hate it when people try to console me with, " Yea, I know how you feel...." and then go on to tell me how their great grandmother died at 95! It's not the same as a child.

I will remember their mother's (the sisters or sister in law) too when I pray. Send up a little prayer for me this week too. I have grief's ugly head pop up and surprise me every now and then. This week has been hard for me as well. I will remember you both when I pray. In the book of James it says to pray for one another that you might be healed. I will pray for the healing of your hearts, that mine might (continue to) be healed. It's really hard to put on a happy face during a gig when you feel a dark day but I always feel better afterwards being around the (happy) kids. I totally live for that wow-look as they look into the mirror! I'm greatful I have three gigs next week. Plently of smiling kids to cheer me up!

Blessings!

Lori, you will absolutely be in my prayers. You have surely had your share of tragedies. I'm very sorry about you losing your children. I almost always have a prayer in my heart for something. If it's not for someone, an animal, or some other need, it's for gratitude or praise. The Lord has been kind to me. Thank you Lori for your kind and generous heart.

Jan I see your from TEXAS! I lived in south Dallas for 20 years. We moved to Flagstaff AZ four years ago. I MISS TEX-MEX! I don't miss the heat and humidity! The last time I went to the river walk I about passed out from the heat. We took refuge in a great Mexican restaurant on the riverwalk. We went to Fiesta Texas and I stayed in the water park side the whole time cuz it was too darn hot to ride rides. Especially when you have to wait in line an hour! You just about couldn't pull me out of that wave pool. I also did my military (Combat Medic) training at Fort Sam Houston. That was a million years ago and quit a few pounds, ago!

When all the tornados went through Lancaster a few weeks ago, that was my old neighborhood. The tornado was about 1/4 mile from our old house and on the same street (Dallas Ave).

My oldest son got hooked on meth after our second child died. He was 19 and left home 2 weeks before she died because he couldn't stand it anymore. Then when our oldest daughter was ran over, he really lost it. He started doing drugs and he almost died several times. The last time no one even told me until 2 years after it happened. Thank God he has overcome the drug use and is doing well. I've never done drugs or drank.... I knew I would likely self distruct if I ever fell back on using substances for easing my pain. I truely wanted to... but I never did.

Take care.... I'll be thinking of you often.

The strength of people who have undergone such tragedy always inspires me. You may not always FEEL strong, but those around you can surely see it. I will also pray for healing for those here who have lost children (their own or nieces and nephews) much too soon. I think about my own beautiful daughters and my new baby nephew and I don't even want to imagine what losing even one of them would feel like. My heart goes out to each of you.

Ditto on what Becky521 said. I thank God that I have my two wonderful kids and grandson. Two nephews did die tragically at young ages (one 17 and the other 20). I believe there will be a joyous reunion one day. This world is just a temporary stop.

My heart goes out to each one of you ladies. My nephew was only twenty four when he died, it's been eight years and it still hurts sooo much. God Bless your families through this very difficult time.

I'm so so sorry Janb.

I'm a newbie to the forum, joined yesterday in fact, and so we haven't crossed paths so to speak, but I read your posts and knew I couldn't read and run.

I can't quite imagine what your going through.
We come into this world alone and we leave in the same way. Doesn't make it any easier to bear for the ones left behind.

I'm so sorry again for you, and others here too. Lori - You're posts just about broke my heart to read. I'll be giving my 2 an extra hug and kisses tonight.

Hugs.

It's not something you can ever figure out or understand. I've let go of that and all the questions. I have friends who have 4,5 and 6 kids and never lost even one so ... how could I have lost three? I will never understand this side of heaven. I have become my own hero cuz I know what it takes for me to choose to get out of bed some days. I will NEVER get over their loss but I get better and better at dealing with my pain.

It is true.... God gives us grace when it's needed.

I'm so sorry Jan. You and your family are in my heart today.

Lori, I've lived in San Antonio for about 18 years now...and the summers kill me too! I used to go to Fiesta Texas and I did the same thing you did....stay in the water! I would take my neices & nephews alot...they of course loved it.
Flagstaff is sooooo different from Dallas and SA. I've passed through there a few times on my way to California. It is a beautiful place. I would always look for moose but never saw any.
I know you are so grateful your oldest son was able to overcome his drug use! That is wonderful to hear.

Becky....thank you for your prayers, you may not know it but I have a strong testimony of praying, and I know how powerful it can be. There are days when I do feel at peace and I know it's because prayers have been sent up. It's very nice of you to think about all of us....it feels as if we are all sisters!

Martha, I'm sorry to hear about your nephews. I guess the Lord had other plans for them...maybe he needed them more on the other side. That reunion will most definitely be a joyous day! And yes, thank God for your wonderful kids and grandson.

Belle, I'm sorry about your nephew also...I don't think we will ever quit hurting because a piece of our hearts has been taken from us. I do feel the pain will be less on some days or maybe I should say numbed (sp?). You are in my prayers also.

Cinnamon, what sweet words and how thoughtful of you! Thank you for being here and welcome to the forum

Julie, thank you for posting. I never dreamed I would have so many replies to my aching(sp?) heart. Also, I never dreamed I would feel so closed and connected to each of you who have responded. Your kind words are sooo appreciated.

Hope you have a good day today Janb.

Thank you:-) I've been working all day everyday trying to get my mother's yard looking nice and it keeps me more concentrated on the yard than other things. It's really therapeutic. I'm in Mississippi and left my face paints in Texas (I thought I was only going to be here for 2 weeks) but the yard is looking good and it gives me a good workout and it's wears me out!

I hope you have a good day also:-)

Yard work is awesome to relax a weary heart and mind. I did a prayer garden in memory of each of my children. As I would work in it I would remember, cry, reflect, and pray. When I would leave it, I'd leave behind a piece of my pain. I had a small bird bath and small statues in Charity's garden. She passed away at 7 months old. Jonathan's (died at 13 months old) had lots of frogs and toadstools. Jaime's (killed at 21 years old) was a quoi pond with a tunnel of arbors with roses growing over them. Her favorite movie as a kid was the Secret Garden.

There is something very healing about having your hands in the soil. It worked well for me.