Help with intro letter

Ok I am looking to put together an intro letter and wanted help. I cannot afford to get Shannons book and really need to get some business. I made my cards and I just need a little help. If I post it maybe it will give others ideas and help so here I go,

Hello,
My name is KimberlyAnn and I am a local Face Painter in New River. I wanted to offer my services for any of your upcoming events. I have a rate of $65 for the first hour and $25 for each additional half hour. I also offer a per face option to come paint at your events and give you a percentage of what I make. I have recently painted at New River Elementary, Hall of Flame, The Roadrunner, as well as many local parties and events. You can see some of my work on my website www.LitlbitWraps.com, Thumbtack and my Facebook page Litlbit Wraps. I am local and would love to paint at your events. Thank you for your consideration.

~KimberlyAnn
623-***-****
A Little Bit of Face Paint and Glitter. WWW.LitlbitWraps.com


Help please! Feel free to msg me privately if you need or can help.

Hi,
I am not sure you should list your fees right off the bat, ask them to contact you instead. Say something like "Very reasonable rates for any event" Please contact me for a quote because they will think you charge that amount no matter how many kids there are.
If you offer to do PPF and give a percentage, you may never get hired, but if you offer to come as a "vendor", you may be able to pay a small vendor fee instead, and keep all that you make. You have to remember that a lot of people will want you to do it for very little if you promote yourself that way.
Be careful repeating your self. You have said twice that you are local and want to paint at events.
Listing previous work can be helpful if they are reputable places and well known.
Its hard to write a letter like that but if you have room on your website, pointing them there is a good idea.
I hope this helps a bit.

Thank you. That helps. I will change those things to start.
Do you do PPF? There are a lot of shows out here but they all run around 100-250 to get into a big show. I just don' t see how I could ever make any return if I pay a vendor fee.
Of course right now I just charge a flat $5.00 fee and only offer what I can do in 2-5 min. Only a couple full faces like tiger. I do a lot of two eye butterfly and masks. Monster, kitty, bat, one stroke spidey. Snake across face, one stroke dragon. I just charge $5.00 each and only get a couple of the football or the butterfly using one strokes and the butterfly brush. When I do those I do a couple butterflies a trail and starbursts and some streaks or flames after the football.

I do PPF, but not as a sole offering ever. We sell cotton candy and my husband does glitter tattoos, so we always make a good profit. I am not sure PPF at 5.00 will ever make you much because the vendor fees are so high. Good Luck to you though.

Veeluv is spot on here.

I never quote fees on initial contact, it limits your wiggle room for negotiation. give them the benefits they get for hiring you. what makes you an asset instead of an expense.

"I use only FDA approved paints, never harmful craft paints."

or if you use only snaz
"I use only FDA approved hypoallergenic paints"

safe clean fun for all ages...... you get the idea

Thank you!
Michael -I signed up for the free Gig salad to see several referrals and only put bids in for the ones I know are worth my money. S ofar only booked 1 in a month but I only submitted to less than a dozen and quite a few were refunded because they never looked at the quote.
I have had a local kids newspaper contact me to paint at one of their events - they are charging other vendors $95 but no cost for me and i just charge what i want. I will also get free advertising in all their banners etc. The also asked me to bring fliers to hand out.
Good deal since I have no parties booked that day.
I would love to do a few commissioned jobs as well where i just pay a portion of my collected fees but have not yet come up with a good flier to send to places.