A friend went missing and has died.... :(

As some of you might know (or not), I have, besides facepainting, another passion...
Play the flute at a marching band.
I have been doing that for over 12 years.
So far the introduction...

A month ago one of the members got missing...
He showed up at rehearsal Sunday the 11/10 and that day he had dinner with his parents....
After he left, they never heard of him again....
The parents received a call the next day from his work, that he hadn't showed up and they couldn't reach him...
The parents have tried to do so as well all day before they went to the police.
They found out he did some shopping at a supermarket that Monday and he took some money from the bank.
That was the last thing they saw of him.....

Yesterday evening I got a call, that the police have found him...
Dead, in his car, in a parkinglot, somewhere in the south of France.....    

This is such bad news... And also controverse... Glad he is finally found.... But sad he has turned up dead, event though we all knew that would be a possibility.
But we will never know the how and why....

I, personally, didn't have a real close relationship with him, I saw him as an acquintance, but I do feel dreadfully cut up with it...

And this just before Christmas...... My heart hurts for the Family......(know his parents and 3 sisters well too)....such tragedy!
The guy was only 27.....

Dearest Ella,

Thank you for sharing and know that myself and many others on this forum send you hugs, prayers, good wishes and hope.

Dean

how horrible
and that poor family, not knowing why he wound up in France.... Did he get carjacked or something?

We don't know. We only suspect he left himself for some unknown reason, because he left his saxophone at his parents house, and they were able to see that he checked (or someone else?) checked the whatsapp in his phone nearly 1,5 week ago. He did seem to have taken a bag with his wallet, his insulin (he had diabetes) and phone....but not his pasport. There was still food in the fridge....

So it is just guessing.... It is just weird. He was just a regular guy, with no issues as far as we know, no enemies or not having conflicts with people. A guy who lived for the music... Always busy with music... He was about to buy his own place.

And that very first day that he was missing, they have a tape from a supermarket, which shows he did some shopping and he didn't look anxious of nervous or whatever on the tape... On the contrary he looked relaxed...

So.....

Oh, how utterly horrible and sad. As the mother of a competitive marching band member for the last five years, I know how close people can get to one another... especially those within the same section (brass, woodwind, percussion, etc.)

Don't write off that you will never know what happened. The police will investigate. The cash register has an internal receipt that can be matched to the video time and they can see what he purchased. Perhaps just normal items for his own kitchen - which could mean he intended to return home and may be a victim of foul play. Or, they may find that what he purchased suggests a road trip and had intended to head to France.

Two years ago I lost my nephew out in California to a tragedy that stemmed from very strange happenings. It will not ever be known what transpired in the hours that lead to his death. The authorities were satisfied with their very limited investigation and my ex sister-in-law and my brother are the only ones who could try to get clearer answers and perhaps find the whole truth - but both seemed satisfied to let it be. I, myself, have tried every avenue I can to get more answers, but because I am not his parent - I am not allowed to view documents or reports.

Ella, my heart is with you as you grieve for this young man and his family.

Sorry for your loss Creabella. Love and Prayers to friends and family at this sad time.
Take care.

Indeed they could see he bought milk and bread at that supermarket.
But he had also lots of food in his fridge at home. He didn't seem to have packed a suitcase either.
The police couldn't look into his accounts because they suspected he left on his own behave. Apperently they can only do that when they suspect a crime.
So maybe now they can look into that?
They did try to hack into his computer too, in the hope to find some clues.
And went to his home everyday to see if anything had changed.

So now we wait for news about the autopsy. After that I guess they will bring him home for the funeral....
But not sure when that will be.
I suppose the Family will have gone to France I think...

It does has a big impact indeed, for us as fellow member. We do feel like one big Family...so it will be rough times a head...

At this moment I just can't imagine quite yet he is gone.... It seems so unreal.....

Had another bad night sleep....
Just can't stop thinking about it. So many questions keep going through my mind.....

Did he leave of his own free will? Or was  he forced to? And why did he leave so suddenly? Why to France?
Why didn't he let anyone know where he was going?
What did he do all these weeks he was missing?
What caused his death? Was it because of his diabetes, that he hadn't any insuline left anymore? Or something else?
Did he want to start a new life somewhere else? Or was his goal a suïcide?
What was he thinking?
What is going to happen next?
When will the funeral be?
Why oh why????

Can't stop thinking about his Family too.... Feel so sorry for them... His mum and dad and his 3 sisters....
Some Christmas they will have...   

I am sorry if I bore you with my thoughts...
I feel like crying but the tears won't come.

My thoughts are with you. When I was in high school my neighbor/friend's life was taken during a robbery. We were all very scared until they caught the thieves because they had all of her personal information. They were caught about 2 weeks later and unfortunately were not given the maximum sentence. Makes you wonder what kind of people are out there.

wow, tthanks for sharing-yet another reason to count being alive as my blessings.
I can't even imagine something like this taking place-when people go out, you expect them to return. so I understand, but yet I can't since it never happened to me so I can only imagine.how awful.

Well, there is an article in the national Dutch newspaper (online) now.

The article says this:

The since 10 november missing Ischa Black (27) Breda is found dead in France. He was in his yellow Renault Megane cabrio. The car was on a parking lot at the beach in Quiberon in Brittany, as reporting local media. A set hikers saw saturday afternoon a man hang motionless over the steering wheel of a yellow Renault Megane cabrio with Dutch registration plate. One of the witnesses, a police officer (not on duty), alarmed the emergency services. The fire department had to smash the side window of the vehicle to get to the victim. His car was closed from the inside. The driver was found to be dead. An autopsy and toxicological studies must show how the 27-year-old Dutchman died. With the initial findings they did not detect a crime, says the police. According to local residents, the Dutch car with its striking yellow color was already a few days parked on this specific place. The family of Ischa Black have told saturday night via Facebook that his body was found. The Bredanaar left on 10 november around 18 hours with unknown destination after a visit to his parents. On that occasion he gave his saxophone to his father. Remarkable because his life was dominated by music. Although he worked in the parts department of a packaging plant, he was also a member of a number of band clubs. Possibly, his death might be related to diabetes. The Bredanaar would have been out of stock of his insulin-ampoules around the date of his disappearance by stock insulin-ampoules. In so far as the family could check, Ischa still had only one ampoule or insulin dose left. 'After one day at the max without the insuline, he becomes in coma and he comes to death,' said his deadly worried sister previously in the Dutch tv show "Missing". According to the family Black Ischa opened on 28 november for the last time the free message app (whats app) on his iphone.

http://www.ad.nl/ad/nl/1013/Buitenland/article/detail/3563091/2013/12/16/Vermiste-Bredanaar-dood-aangetroffen-in-Bretagne.dhtml

So, just a little more info, but not much....

Such sad news for you, especially at his time of year. Big hugs

Well. The autopsie told us that he has died of a cardiac arrest.... Or is it called a stroke or a seizure or heart failure? I Googles the translation from Dutch to English, but it gave multiple translations.
Anyway, they can't say what caused it.... Probably something to do with his diabetes.
But the fact that he locked himself in his car, suggests that it was ment to be so, that he intended it...

Now the family is trying to get him home a.s.a.p. At least before the weekend. So that the funeral will be maybe Monday or Tuesday.
If that isn't possibe, and he will be back next week.
The funeral will be after New Year. It seems it is very busy with funerals in between Christmas and New Years Eve....

I'm hoping for the first. So that we can find some closure soon....

Thats really horrible and sad. Sorry it happened

Today is the funeral, and I am not sure what to feel...
  

I am used to the idea that he has died, but it also still feels unbelievable.

It's been 2 weeks already that he has died...

I do feel nervous though....

Nervous to see the family for the first time again, since it happened.... And this all just after the Christmas days....

I'll be glad when this day is over... 

Big hugs going out to you, Ella   

Sending warm hugs your way. Peace and Love.

It was a beutiful and long funeral.. it took 2 hours and there were a lot of people (200?)....

A lot of beautiful words were spoken....

A worthy goodbye/farewell for a fantastic musician, and lovable person.... He will be missed...

Thanks for all the comments and your hugs and prayers...

Wishing everyone a happy celebration of going into the new year.... Happy New Year, may 2014 be all that you want it to be!

Creabella wrote:It was a beutiful and long funeral.. it took 2 hours and there were a lot of people (200?)....

A lot of beautiful words were spoken....

A worthy goodbye/farewell for a fantastic musician, and lovable person.... He will be missed...

Thanks for all the comments and your hugs and prayers...

Wishing everyone a happy celebration of going into the new year.... Happy New Year, may 2014 be all that you want it to be!

I am glad it went well. Please don't be afraid to face the parents. I know you did it for the funeral but don't be afraid to face them again in the near future. This is a sad story and I know how those parents feel. Give them some time but go see them or call them soon. Don't wait until you bump into one of them in a store, and don't worry about what to say, just be normal and ask them how they are doing. Tell them you are there for them just to listen if that's what they want. I lost my son of 39 on June 11, 2013 and my friends still treat me as if I have the plague. I am not married so I am alone in my thoughts. My brother and my other two sons do not want to talk about him because they are still in denial. This ordeal all started on Dec. 4th 2012 and I watched him suffer for 192 days of hell until his death in June. It was a foul play incident and that drove me crazy at getting to the truth of the matter just 2 weeks into the ordeal. In December, 11 days in his heart stopped and he was clinically dead. He was not suppose to live the doctors told me afterwards and he was clinically dead 6 times more in one week, 7 times in all. Anyway they let me in for a few minutes to see him, he was totally naked just a cover over his groin. I saw the burn patterns on his body for the first time with no bandages and I knew that this was not a gas fire as I had been told. I knew that something was thrown on him and I started digging. After 4 months and 2 weeks on a ventilator he was let off of ventilator and they reduced his pain medication. Then two weeks latter he made a statement to detectives confirming all my suspicions. They lawyer-ed up and refused to talk and by this time the case was cold and no hard evidence to prove a case. They had 5 months to bury evidence. I had put stories, people involved and pieces of this puzzle together and I was short by 2 blocks on where it happened.  Sometimes it is best not to know the truth at all. Now those people are still walking around breathing this beautiful air while my son is in the ground.
It is terrible to be shut out even when you are mourning the lost of your child. I think people are afraid that they will say something that will remind me of my child. But he is what I want to talk about. After a few weeks or a month I really just needed to talk to someone because I thought I was going to lose my mind. I was filled with thoughts of him and all the what if's played around in my head. What if I had called him that day and told him I needed help with something, or what if I had called and asked him did he need me. It's a club no parent want's to be apart of. By August I was FP-ing at a festival. I applied late but they let me in and I was so thrilled to be working and not thinking. I stayed busy until mid November when the work ended I was back in bed. Now I stay on this forum as much as possible at night so I do not have to think the unbearable thoughts. Bring them something to eat or whatever get's you through their door. They will let you know if they are not ready to talk but don't be afraid to see them now.
I do wish you and his parents well. I know that they are suffering so much.

It is always wrong for a one's child to predecease the parent.

I cannot say anything wise, or anything to ease your burden. All I wish gypsy6974 is that the happy memories of your sons' life push through the unspeakable memories of his death. You are in my thoughts.

xxoo

A friend has went missing and has died wrote:

Thank you very much. It is a terrible loss and yes parents are supposed to go first. We never expect to put our children in the ground. I try to think of all the good things that he was and did but those tragic days, and his death creep in on a moments notice. I try to tell my mind that I can't go here right now. Sometimes it works and often does not. But I am having some good days and time will help me adjust, or not. All I can do is try to stay busy and wait it out.
You are right there is nothing anyone can say to ease it. But knowing that there are people who don't mind talking to me even if it's about the weather is a blessing. Those parents in time should be encouraged to get out of the house. If my brother would not have pushed me to get out and do something I would have never had that festival or the others that came after.
Creabella should give their other friends a talk about encouraging them not to move on but to get out of the house for awhile and listen to their stories too.
Thank you! I wish you many happy years of painting...

Thanks for your Story Gypsy, how awful!
I admire the strength you show in your words.
I can't be easy dealing with all this.

I think it is important that you can talk about it when you feel the need to. It helps giving it a place, and healing just takes time.

Hugs for you too Gypsy !

Thank you so much. It does feel good to be able to release some of it. So sorry for your friends' loss and it is hard watching a friend suffer from that loss.

It feels like
all happiness is the same.
All suffering is
different.
All suffering is
unique.

A friend has went missing and has died wrote:

You hit that nail on the head with a hammer.