the music is just too much-when do you say turn it off

Ok it was a really bad party, no butterflies or princesses these little kids came with cell phones with pictures of rappers and wanted me to replicate the facial tattoos. The parents had some pretty bad words in real tattoos and of course the little ones wanted those too. I felt ok refusing that but the music screamed the F word . I was so out of my culture ,would you guys have asked that the music be turned off?

yikes, tough... In all reality tho.. its their party and they are paying you... headphones to my iphone remember to pack... remove only when spoken to... JK... that is a hard call

yuck. Very uncomfortable. That would be a personal call for sure. In reality though, it is their party so you can't really make demands about the environment. You could only choose to leave if you were uncomfortable. Glad that hasn't happened to me!

It is their party. If you are uncomfortable - leave. But if they have pre-paid or made a deposit you probably should refund it UNLESS you have substantially painted for the time/number required.

I was at a party on Saturday where the music was loud enough I could barely hear myself think (and I certainly couldn't hear Mom yelling a foot away from me) - I left her setting up the shelf/stand and immediately went off in search of homeowner - and I got the speaker that was right on top of us turned off. It would certainly have impacted the way I would have been able to work with people - after it was off we *could* hear the music well, but we could talk quietly and be heard. We need to be able to communicate with those in our chair. I've successfully negotiated reduced volume or redirected speakers at most events. I can't say I've ever gone for content change (however there is one yearly event I no longer do because I can't stand the content of the music played at it), but volume I'm not afraid to speak up. I take earplugs for my own safety if someone refuses, but what is the point in not having me able to communicate?

If it is a gig I have booked myself & is not agented by someone else, I will ask the adult in charge if they are aware of the message of the music with the kids around. Seems they've gotten s busy hosting, that they've tuned it out and are truly thankful you mention it. I do so gently & discreetly--and I've never had a bad reaction from doing so.

Private - if it's bad enough, I may ask to be moved.
Public - I have invested in a nifty pair of ear plugs. *L*

I wear them ALL the time!

This is just wrong. What is up with society? I think I might have to make that a new box on my contact form. "If children are present, will a PG environment be maintained? Why are we robbing children of their childhood? When I was young the most violence I was exposed to was finding a dog hit in the road or getting a spanking. Now we don't hit our kids but let them virtually murder by the dozens on video games and listen to gansta rap?

Listen, I swear plenty but I did not swear in front of my kids until they were about 16. I don't let them watch movies or shows that have a lot of swearing in them, if I came across music that had swearing I'd make them delete it or throw it away and I'd try to even make them turn off the blood on video games if possible.

I think at least, like Noella says, the volume is a work place hazard and interferes with your ability to function professionally just as much as if they turned out the lights. As far as the morality of it all, I might be tempted to sic DCFS on them. Grrrr.

I know I'm being a little dramatic but the younger you expose kids to this stuff the more immune to it they become. I think it creates a lack of empathy and these children will have a hard time maintaining relationships and getting along in society. I don't want to live in the world where this is okay.

D.

A couple of months ago I posted about the best party I had ever had: a princess party where all the little girls were dressed in long princess gowns, gloves & tiaras and all the boys were dressed in either vests & tie or suit & tie.

It was such a lovely party until the music started. Loud, F bomb lyrics, sexually suggestive lyrics, violent lyrics... and the kids sing (rap) right along with it!


It is so different from my world... but that was their world and I was hired just like the catering company was hired - so I took it in stride. I painted the children just as I always do; they are the most important person in the world when in my chair. They were just as sweet and adorable as any, but I was definitely happy to get out of there.

On a side note: The older women at the party were not appreciative of the music either and were not afraid to say so... although their complaints fell on deaf ears...literally.

Oh my Denise, you are so right and I never really thought of it that way. I am constantly filtering everything and it gets so exhausting. My 10 year old is constantly groaning about why she can't watch every PG-13 movie out there.

I say "It is PG-13 for a reason!" I have let her watch a few IF I have already seen it. I made the mistake of letting the watch A Thousand Words without having seen it first. I was watching it with them, but was floored with the p*cker references and they were like "What is that?" UUUGH!

To be honest I get a sick pleasure out of tell my kids loudly in front of other parents and kids that something is "INAPPROPRIATE for children." if it is going on around us-even my friends. If we don't get off our lazy butts now and be the guiding force in our children's lives then we'll be bailing them out of jail.

There just seems like there are no consequences for anything nowadays. I don't know if parents are scared of their children or what. I see kids yelling, screaming, cussing and slapping their parents and I am like WTH?? My kids would get their butts beat in a New York minute. Well I don't really spank anymore cause it hurts my hand, but I embarrass the crap out of them for sure!

-Metina

Thanks for all the advice. I was so shell shocked after that party I just knew I had to get my head around what happened and my options to never let it happen again.

Like a lot of women, I'm too nice, way too nice and people take advantage and sometimes things can get out of hand. I don't need this money enough to live through that level of non PG crap, like Shannon said if I'm uncomfortable I will happily give all the money back.

Denise, the sad part is I'm usually so sympathetic to the little ones, but not this time, I just wanted away from them. They were some damaged kids. I had a 9 yr old who wanted me to write "F" god on his face like a tattoo. It scared me that I live in the same town as that group. So I'm making a mental note. LOTS of rules in the contract, if they don't like it too bad, ear plugs. Again thanks

This MIGHT surprise people, but I am really quite conservative and a prude in many respects. I gave up television 20 years ago (I literally have not watched any TV show regularly more current than Night Court) and I am constantly horrified at the way the media is used to manipulate people's emotions (The news being one of the worst offenders).

I think that it is easy to say "Oh it's just a...." (Song, video game, TV show) But when we come to associate violence, anger, suffering, embaressment, foul language, ignorance etc with "entertainment" and "Fun", we are on a slippery slope- is Survivor that much different from the collosium in Rome? If we let young people, who ARE patterning and forming impressions of the world, watch the SAW movies or listen to music wtih dozens of explitives, what are they modelling themselves after.

In many ways, I admire the societies (And some families on this continent) where as a whole, the grand parents, parents and children stay together - with the parents out working to sustain the home, and the grand parents watching the children during those times- It allows the elders to pass on their wisdom to the youngers.... traditions and values can still evolve with the times, but there is greater continutiy within the familial and society structures.

The media - Tv, internet etc- is a wonderful thing, it just has to be enjoyed and used with intelligence, conscience, thought and perspective.

Really well said, Leaping Lizards, and everyone! I just read an article where some people compared their experiences with children from a rainforest culture with kids in a famous American city. In the one culture, they were startled that a little six-year-old girl on a river trip to gather a leaf crop for the hut roofing took it upon herself to do al these chores on the raft, and some were pretty labor intensive. And in the city here, they had extensive video of kids bossing their parents around and refusing to tie their own shoes when they knew how to.

Of course this is just a slice of two lives, and not representative of every kid in every culture. But the overall point they were making is that there is a huge entitlement mentality here among so many people (adults and kids), and that the culture has become so child-centered in an off-centered kind of way.

I've met lots of beautifully raised children and great families in this work, and I've also met lots of the others. I think lots of things can be pointed to. and definitely, the massive amount of time spent with crummy media and video games doesn't help. But guess who is making the media, and the video games, and guess who is gaining income from their purchase, and guess who is purchasing them? All "adults."

I hope and pray that all the truly discerning grown-ups out there keep doing the good job they're doing guiding and steering their little ones through what has become a tough culture to negotiate. It is worth every second of patience and good parenting.

I am sickened by the role some "parents" out there take. For too long "parents" have had the "I am your buddy your pal your equal" instead of "I am your parent and I say what comes into the house and what does not" mentality. I am sorry to say that I see it a lot in "parents" my age and younger, I for one did not fall into the "let me be your friend not your parent" trap. I believe that someone has to be the decision making adult and take a stand. Morality has pretty much been flushed down the toilet. I admire the families that do take a stand and instill morals in thier homes and outside their homes.
I for one would have given the money back and left. Any child that comes up to me and wants that kind of stuff painted on them will get a NO!

It is an uncortable situation, but I will aks gentle to lower the music if it doesent work then I wiil do same as Noella and use my earplugs,unfortunately they call taht kind of music like a "new culture", new culture of grose language and behave, had you see how do they dance that music?, and I see a lot of parents and relatives laughing when they hear a little 3 year old saying a bad word (that is how we call that language), so they are giving the message that to say that kind of words is funny, personally I had that situation with a nephew, he was saying a bad word and parents and gand parent laugh and actually ask him to repeat it, I never ever made fun about and actually told my hubby I am not agree with it because he will grow thinking than to "misbehave or saying bad words is "good" because it makes people laugh so I am so funny", and now he is 13 years old and you must cheek what his language with friend girls or boys at his facebook page is, yes! he has a facebook page, but is very sad because more and more people just let their kids envolve in that enviroment, maeby I am old school but my parents taught me than to respect people I have to respect my self first.

What I find ironic is that these types of parents are usually very permissive but then are the most abusive verbally and physically. It's like they are their best buddy until you cross some arbitrary line and then you better watch out or their fury is unleashed. It's very unbalanced.

I like being friends with my kids. I think it's possible to do both. Usually when I lay down a law I have a reason for it. For instance, when my 16 year old son had his own money and wanted to pierce his tongue I could have just laid down the law and yelled and said "NO WAY" and it probably would have prevented him from doing it. However, I knew from past experience (read rebellious daughter) that sometimes that makes them CRAVE that experience. So I told him how people would perceive him, how it might chip his tooth, how it might get infected, etc. We did research on the different places he could go and the cost, etc. He decided he still wanted it and we went up to SLC and he paid to go to a good place and had it done. Guess how long it lasted. He got sick of it after about a week or two. I don't know if he got harassed or it was uncomfortable...but it's over.

Good parenting is a pain in the butt. It takes a long time and it doesn't always work but I feel that I've, at least for the most part, contributed to the world rather than taken away from it. There are reasons that rules of society are there. I think we all know what those reasons are...do our kids? Have we really sat them down and talked to them about why you don't have "love without the glove?" or why you don't steal? Why swearing is a bad thing? Respecting our elders? Not just on a personal consequence level but do we talk about the cost to society?? Our community and our world?

Okay...off the soap box. I'm just scared. Jeff and I have gotten lazy in this department so we're trying an "Elevate" program. Stage One is the physical level. We're de-junking the house, selling good stuff that we don't need and working on repairs around the home...should take about a month. We've decided that since everyone is going their separate ways at dinner we're making breakfast our family meal/planning time to start the day. We're making the kids more responsible for the family work. We used to be better about this with the older kids but have been slacking so too many things go undone.

Stage two will be improving our physical daily environment like new sheets and towels. Nice clothes and shoes to replace the donated ones. Proper storage for the things we decided were important and rearranging the layout of the home to reflect a new attitude. Like I'm planning on moving the TV downstairs (less accessible) and putting the games by the kitchen table for a game night once a week like we used to. The TV thing will be hard. As we've gotten older it's too much of a habit to just sit and watch at the end of the day. I'm hoping that all those hobbies I swear I don't have time for will come back in my life. Basically, I'm starting to apply Feng Shui principles like I used to what seems like a long time ago.

Level Three will be more of a self-improvement level. Going to the rec center, walking after dinner, reading, keeping up with friends, parties, going to concerts...all of this is layered on top of the other two levels. I'm hoping that all of this will add up to living on a higher level, meeting like minded individuals and helping my children find a higher level of human being to share their elevated lives with.

Speaking of which...I might have to move the computer downstairs too!

D.

I love the way you and your family are taken changes, very responsable and smart, my hubby wants to move the tv to our bedroom, but no way!!!, because that will be more his man cave in just a little than our space, to tell you the true Denise that was very inspiring words, I love the way you deal with that piercing, I will love to had listen to my mom when she told me " I dont think that belly piercing will be a good idea" now after my 2 pregnancies I have a beautiful scar than looks more like a strech mark on my belly button

I've been at several parties like this... Sweet 3 yr old little girl be-boppin' in my chair singing the "F" Bombs.... I had one party where I looked over at my daughter & she was painting a scar on this ladies forehead. We finally figured out she wanted a "Star".... music was so loud, how was she to know

I do have in my contract that the entertainer had the right to leave if there is any illegal activity (ex. guns, drugs, fighting, etc). No refunds will be given. So far I've never had to implement it, but I did have one mom yell at her babies daddy, If you keep it up she may leave." He was trying to start a fight w/ another guy there.

I have a couple of clauses in my contract. I've borrowed wording off of free contract sites online as well as examples provided by members in this forum (so feel free to use these on your own contracts).

Extreme Adverse Conditions
The Artist reserves the right to stop painting and leave immediately without refund if presented with extreme adverse working conditions and the Client fails to correct these conditions when notified. These conditions may include, but are not limited to: destructive, violent, or extremely inappropriate behavior of a guest, child, adult, or pet; illegal activities; or otherwise dangerous conditions including extreme heat, cold, and lightening.

Good Taste
Artist will not paint any design or words that she considers to be obscene, offensive, controversial, or that defy good taste. In public events and events where minors are present, Artist may choose not paint on any part of the body that is not legal to expose or she declines painting.

So far, I've never had to make good on my clauses and leave.

Off-topic note about desensitization and bad music choices: I do a lot of hiring in my "day" job. You'd be amazed at how often people use really raunchy music for their ringtone which plays to the caller. If I'm calling back someone about their resume and I hear about "b's-n-garden implements" or even a whiney country song, I'll hang up before I've even spoken with them.

If you're not professional enough to realize a potential employer is going to have to sit through your personal music choices? You don't get to work for us. That said, I will listen to my fair share of trashy hip hop music...on my own time, with headphones...usually while busting my butt at the gym, lol.